Down With Love [15]

Chapter 14

I knew I was an awful person for it… she was crying, she was in pain, she was obviously hurting… but I loved the feeling of her in my arms. She was so fragile, not just in that she was so small, but with every shaken sob she let out causing my torso to tremble, my heart rate increased. In waves parallel to her tremors of sadness, I felt myself falling more and more in love. Sure, I was the first person she’d seen, but she came to me. She trusted me, she trusted me enough to come to me, to cry against my chest, to let me wrap my arms around her and hold her so close, despite her vulnerable tears and outfit. That’s when it hit me. She trusted me. For all her complaining, for all her hating, for all her making fun of me, she trusted me. And while this was amazing, I knew at that moment, I couldn’t do it. It wasn’t as easy as “going for it,” it wasn’t as easy as I’d professed, drunkenly to Matt. She was vulnerable but she trusted me. I couldn’t ruin that, I couldn’t destroy that. With a deep breath, I looked down at her.

“You want to talk about it?” I asked, my voice barely reaching a whisper. It was then that I realized that while I was lost in my train of thought, her sobs had resided, her breathing had turned deep and even. I smiled slightly, and nuzzled my face in her hair, stroking her head with one hand while keeping the other on her back. I’d put her to sleep on the couch in a minute. But for now, I just wanted to sit here with her. It took me a while longer, savoring the moment, adoring every second of her breathing against me, before I slowly lay her down on the couch. I hesitated between floor and bunk, before finally deciding to sleep on the floor beside her… she’d seemed so torn up, what if she woke up in the night, crying again?

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I woke up in the morning in a state of blissful confusion. Why was my head hurting? I hadn’t been drinking last night… But it didn’t take me long to remember, especially when I caught my reflection in the reflective surface of the microwave across the bus. Between the sight of my swollen eyes and streaked eyeliner, and what happened last night, I just wanted to break down crying, to hide under the blankets all day, or even all year. A tear ran down my face, but I knew I had to work, so I took a deep breath before it could turn into sobbing, and took a step off of the couch, my foot landing on something squishy. I shrieked, jumping up immediately, and looking down to see a disgruntled Jimmy lying on the floor, clutching his stomach.

“What the fuck!” he groaned, once he could breathe again.

“What the fuck, me?! What the fuck you!” I exclaimed from my perch standing on the seats of the couch. “What the fuck are you doing on the floor next to my bed?!”

“You were crying,” He climbed off the floor and stood upright, dusting himself off where I’d stepped on him. I rolled my eyes. Typical.

“And what the fuck does that have to do with anything?” I demanded, arching an eyebrow. God, he was so not what I wanted to deal with after last night, at nine in the morning.

“I was worried you’d wake up and be upset, because you cried yourself to sleep and you weren’t in pyjamas. So once I put you to bed on the couch, I decided to sleep on the floor next to you so that if you woke up In the middle of the night you wouldn’t feel lonely and even more upset.” He stood there, hands on his hips, and I was completely lost for words. I opened my mouth to stutter “Y-you what?” a number of times, that all that came out were some high-pitched spluttering noises. So I just stood there. Standing on the couch, I was eye-to-eye with him, and we just locked in place, our eyes meeting, staring at each other.

“It’s nine,” he said suddenly. “You have to work and you’re not dressed.” And with that, Jimmy spun around, and walked out of the bus. Fucking bastard.

Impulsively, I hopped off the couch, and ran to the door of the bus, not really bothered that countless Warped crew, mostly male and all lonely, could see me and my lack of pants. “Wait, Jimmy?” I called after him. He wasn’t far away, so he turned around to listen. “Can we talk later? About last night?” I paused, sensing what seemed to be hesitation in his face. “Over a video game marathon?” I sweetened the deal. A smirk crept onto Jimmy’s face, and I knew he’d say yes.

“Y’better not ditch me this time, girl,” he shouted back with a wink, and I had to smile, meeting his eyes, before going back into the bus to change, and to wipe the makeup off my face. God, between all of that- makeup, outfit, the way I shouted after him- everyone around, I’m sure, got entirely the wrong impression. Yeah, right. Me, sleep with Jimmy. Hah.

Chapter 15

I glanced at my watch nervously. Eight minutes 'till her shift ended. Give or take a few minutes. Plus the time it took her to get back to the bus. So... fifteen minutes or so. I bit my lip. I'd already put two hours of consideration into the video games, spread out neatly into a fan on the table (another half hour had gone into their arrangement). Needless to say, I was nervous. To put it lightly, that is. Fuck, why was I so nervous, it wasn't like it was a date with her. But, on the other hand, it was my first time properly hanging out with her with her being single... Oh my god! Knock it off, Jimmy, this is NOT a date! You're just playing video games, like you do all the time! I mentally slapped myself. And then, I nearly jumped out of my seat. DRINKS! And I only had... I checked my watch- THREE MINUTES! FUCK! It would have to be beer then. I dashed to the fridge and pulled two out, but a new panic ensued- THE BOTTLE OPENER. FUCK. I spent a good two and a half of the three minutes racing around the bus, beers in hand, hunting it down. That is, until I remembered that these ones were twist top. Fate was on my side, though- I succeeded in ripping off the caps, tossing them aside, and slamming the beers down on the table next to the video games just as Anna stepped into the bus.

At first glance, she looked happy- I know I was ecstatic. But my excitement must have clouded my judgement, because as I walked over I realised she looked nearly as miserable as she had this morning. At least she wasn't crying, which was an improvement. "You ready to get your ass kicked?" I asked cautiously, my laughter nervous despite myself. Much to my dismay, Anna just shrugged. She shuffled across the bus and slumped down on the couch, feet propped up on the table, and went for the beer. She gulped down about half of it before I leaned over and gently pushed the bottle down. She looked up at me as she set it on the table.

"Bad day?" I asked softly, edging down to sit on the couch next to her. She moved over a bit so I could sit without half my ass hanging in the air, and nodded at me, her face miserable. "N'awwh, baby..." I cooed, wrapping my arms around her, although i seized up a bit at the fact that I'd let out the pet name without thinking. Anna didn't seem to notice, and just buried her face in my chest. She was shaking again, which I knew from last night meant she was crying. I stroked her hair, trying to calm her down. "Shhhh, it's okay.... do you wanna tell me what happened?"

"H-h-her!" Anna sobbed. "That fucking bitch!" she pulled away from me, but she was till crying, the tears causing her obviously non-waterproof mascara to leave lines down her cheeks.

"Who, what did she do?" I asked softly, taking a tissue from the box on the counter next to the couch and wiping the tears off her face.

"That awful slut, that he was seeing... she kept parading him in front of the merch booth, holding his hand, making out with him in front of me... smirking at me like she won some sort of fucking prize!" Anna was shaking more violently now, but it obviously was no longer because of sobs but because she was so furious.

"Awh, Anna," I pulled her in for another hug, but she pulled away.

She shook her head. "I'm too fucking pissed," she muttered. "You ready to get your ass fucking whipped?" she asked, grabbing for the most violent of the video games. "Because I know I'm fucking ready for some visualization tactics."

I chuckled, and ruffled her hair. "You're awesome, you know that?" I asked, smiling from ear to ear.

Anna looked at me. "Hold on. Was that just a heartfelt compliment?! From Mister Reverend Sullivan?! You wouldn't be sick, would you?!" She put her hand jokingly on my forehead, and I felt myself flush under her touch on my face.

"Probably," I joked. She chuckled, and pulled her hand away, but I was sure she lingered for a second... though it was probably just my imagination.

All too soon though- in my opinion- the moment was over. She got up to set up the video game she'd chosen before, and then went to sit on the other side of the couch, controller in hand. I sighed inwardly. Sullivan. It's video game night. Not a date, I told myself again. It wasn't the first time that day, and it obviously wouldn't be the last.

-------------

"I WIN AGAIN!" I shouted, jumping up tin the air. "You fucking suck, Sullivan! EAT MY FUCKING SHIT!" I was looking down at him for once from my standing spot on the couch, and laughing in his face. God, if one thing could make me feel better when I felt shitty, it was video games night.

"Oh REALLY?!" Jimmy exclaimed, grinning, standing up so we were at the same height.

"REALLY!" I shouted, backing up in that ecstatic giggly nervous manner that you only do when you know someone's about to tickle you or something similar. I was right, about the tickling thing, and soon he was on top of me on the couch and we were in a full-on tickle war. "STOP!" I finally shouted, gasping for air.

"NEVAAAAR!" He shouted back, in a voice only Jimmy could pull off.

"What's going on in here?" I heard a voice call.

"ZAAACKYYYYY!" I screamed. "SAVE MEEEEEEE! IT'S SULLIVAAAAN! HE'S KILLING MEEEEEEEE!" From above Jimmy's hulk of a body, I saw Zacky's face appear. "HEEEEELP"! I shouted again desperately, trying to hold back my laughter.

"Uhmmmmm..... No." He smirked and bit into the sandwich he was holding. Eventually, Jimmy relented, and i crawled back up to a sitting position, breathing heavily, my muscles sore from laughing and squirming.

"Asshole," I muttered jokingly, hitting him softly on the shoulder, before leaning on him. He chuckled, and threw an arm around my shoulder. "Fucking dork," I added, but I was too tired to pull away.

Chapter 16

Upon walking into the bus that evening, after partying and whatnot, of course I was greeted by the muffled sound of feminine sobbing. I sighed to myself- Anna had seemed like she was doing so much better before. I made my way over to the couch, where i assumed she'd be, to find it empty. I was confused, and listened for a bit, before I realised that it seemed as if the crying noise was coming from the bunks. I walked over, and opened the curtains of each, all of them empty, except for one, where the culprit crier lay. But the figure in the bunk wasn't the thin, delicate, dark haired woman I was expecting to see. Well, in his defense, his hair was dark. But otherwise, his body structure wasn't really remotely close to Anna's.
"Zacky?" I asked, startled.
Zacky wiped the tears from his red eyes. "Fuck off, Sullivan," he muttered, turning to face the wall.
"Zacky, what's wrong?" I asked, but was answered by nothing but silence. "Zacky..." I repeated his name.
"Fucking nothing, leave me alone!" He shouted, but I didn't budge. It took a few minutes, but finally he rolled over to face me again. "I miss Gina. I miss my dog. And I'm tired.... just stressed really I guess... tired... I just wish she were in my arms...." He sighed.
"Awh, Zacky." I patted his head. "You wanna be alone right now?" I asked, and he nodded. I smiled slightly in sympathy, and closed the bunk curtain again.
I started walking back out of the bus, but didn't get more than half a step before quite literally bumping into the person i'd actually wanted to see.
"Anna!" I exclaimed, grinning, which made her smile."Video game tournament, yes or yes?"
She shook her head, and I felt the grin sub-conciously fade from my face. "I have to do stock and stuff with Katelyn tonight, it'll take until about 2 am- if we go quickly. No time for video games... sorry!" And with that she ran into the bathroom.
As if on cue, Katelyn burst into the bus seconds later, shouting. "ANNA"
"SHE'S TAKING A PISS" I screamed back.
"HEY!" Anna shouted from the bathroom, causing Katelyn and I to go into hysterics.
"well, you two, have fun with your stock-taking, I'm going to play video games!" I announced, As I walked to the couches, I felt something hit the back of my head. Between the look on Katelyn's face and the pen lying on the ground behind me when i turned around, i knew exactly what had taken place. "Silly child," I laughed to myself.

----------

I must've fallen asleep doing stock, because I was awoken to a large hand on my back, shaking me gently, and a voice in my ear whispering, "Anna... Wake up..."
I sat up sharply to find my face inches from Jimmy's. I backed away quickly, which was probably a bad idea, as my half-asleep stupor caused the chair to tip, and I started to fall. Jimmy caught me though, one strong arm around me. And, for some reason- it must have been the sleepiness... or the adrenaline rush from falling... but I let him. I leaned against him, letting him stay like that, one arm around my back. I felt him move his other arm slightly, as if unsure what to do, before he finally rested it around my shoulders. The adrenaline rush from the chair still hadn't gone away. Slowly, so slowly I didn't even feel it, or notice I was, I slid my arms upwards, around his neck, still leaning on his chest. What the hell was going on?! I could feel his heart beating like crazy against my ear, and when i felt his head shift slightly, I knew what was coming- or what potentially could be coming. I pulled away abruptly, though i don't know why.
"I must've fallen asleep doing stock... I don't know why Katelyn didn't wake me up," I said lamely. "Thanks for catching me on the chair, though," I smiled, and headed off to my bunk to go to sleep. But, once I was there, I couldn't.... what the hell just happened? Why did I let it happen? And... most of all... why did it feel as good as it did?

“Oh god… God, Alex, don’t stop…” Jackie moaned from underneath me, as I ran my hands up and down her naked body, my mouth firmly on her neck. She slid her hand downwards, down my chest, and slowly down to my crotch, doing what, to be honest, she did best.

I couldn’t help but groan, but the next, libido-killing word slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it. “Mmmmmh… Anna…” Unsurprisingly, Jackie pulled away.

“…Excuse me?!” She exclaimed.

“No, I- uh- Jackie, I…” I sighed. Oh, what was the point. “Fuck it,” I muttered, and climbed off of her, starting to put my clothes on. Jackie didn’t even protest, or make any sound at all except for announcing that I was a bastard. Once clothed, I made my way, practically running, towards the Avenged Sevenfold bus, and knocked on the door.

Much to my dismay, I was greeted by the largest of the group of them, the one whose arms were as big around as my waist, the one who could easily snap me like a toothpick. The one who was related to the girl I’d cheated on. Fuck.

“Pleasedontkillme!” Was the first word I said, without thinking. Well, said would be a long shot. Squeaked, more like. The bear of a man burst into hysterics, and stepped into the bus. I could hear him shouting to Anna inside.

“Anna, the scum is at the door!” He called “You should’ve fuckin’ seen him, all I had to do was answer the door and the bastard nearly pissed his pants!”

Just as I was about to hesitantly step into the bus, Anna appeared at the doorway. She looked stunning. But, like someone stunning who had gone through hell. And then, of course, I realized that that was exactly what I’d done to her.

“You look beautiful,” I blurted out. Fuck, I’d done a lot of that in the last fifteen minutes.

“What the fuck d’you want, Gaskarth?” She demanded. Right. I deserved that one.

“Just to talk… I fucked up so bad.”

“Yeah, you did,” she snapped, walking into the bus. I followed her without hesitation this time, closing the door behind me.

“Look, no, I didn’t just fuck up…” I went and sat next to her on the couch, and she shifted as far away from me as she possibly could, glaring. “No, listen to me. I didn’t just fuck up really badly. I threw away the most amazing thing in my life, and for nothing.”

“Yeah, but you got her back, didn’t you?” Anna retorted sarcastically. “Look, it isn’t just that you cheated that tore me apart. It’s the fact that not only were you cheating on me with that girl, but you actually put in the effort- while dating someone else- to get back together with her?!”

“Well, to be honest, she’s really easy, so there wasn’t really that much effort involved,” I responded, trying to be funny. Trying and failing.

Anna just stared at me, her mouth wide open as if in disbelief at what I’d just said. “FUCK YOU!” she screamed. “You know what, get the fuck out!”

“But-“ I tried to protest, but a voice roared behind me.

“GET. THE FUCK. OUT.” It was the scary cousin. I nodded, whimpering, and scampered from the bus. Before I left completely though, I pocked my mouth back in just long enough to shout one last thing to Anna-

“I fucking miss you, you know?” And I was running back for my bus.

-----

As insulted as I should probably have been by him visiting and saying that, I couldn’t help but smile at the fact that he missed me, that he cared enough to come by. I hesitated, and pulled out my phone, before putting it back in my pocket. I repeated this process about five times, before keeping it out, and texting Alex back: I miss you too, you fucker <3

------

“JIMMYYYY MAH MAN!” I shouted as Katelyn and I got burst back into the bus at about 10, from a late dinner. Rather tipsy- and by tipsy I mean a bit drunk, I collapsed into his lap, my arms around his neck . “And how is my faaaavourite drummer boy doiiing?!” My tank top was falling down , you could almost see half my bra at this point, but I didn’t give a shit. Thank god for alcohol. “Lookin’ pretty sexy, I see!” I ran my hand up and down his chest, as his face flushed.

“Er, Anna…” he protested, but I didn’t budge.

“Baby, if your blood’s flowing to your face, it’s flowing to the wrong place,” I announced, sliding my hand down from his chest to his crotch, massaging slightly.

“Okay Anna you’re drunk get the fuck off,” Jimmy shoved me so I fell to the floor, his voice breaking and going slightly higher pitched. “I’m going to the bathroom,” he ran towards the toilet.

“Jimmy’s cuuuute!” I announced to Katelyn and nobody else in particular. “Seriously, how did none of us ever notice, Jimmy’s fuckin’ hooot.”

------

I woke up the next morning (yeah, I woke up before noon, can you believe it?!) to the smell of coffee flooding my nostrils. Mmmm. Coffee. “Oi, pour me a cup?” I asked of whoever it was, without opening my eyes.

“Pour your own damn mug,” I heard Anna mutter, undoubtedly hungover.

I chuckled, standing up and walking the step and a half from the ‘living room’ of the bus to the ‘kitchen’. “Well, good morning, sunshine,” I smirked sarcastically. “Have a tad too much to drink last night?”

“Oh god…” she groaned, in a tone I knew far too well. I liked to call it hangover-speech. “I did something really stupid.”

I laughed “Yeah, I know…”

Anna went pale. “Wh-what? You know? What? How?!”

I was confused for a moment. “Wait… what did you mean?”

“What did I mean? What did you mean?!” Anna was clearly panicking over any other possible drunken mistakes she may have made.

“I meant when you came in, jumped onto my lap, and started rubbing my package…” I laughed, trying to sound nonchalant and not to get turned on again. “Why, what did you mean?”

“Oh my god, I did that?!” Anna practically screamed. “I’m sorry, Jimmy…” she started sipping her coffee, leaning against the table.

“Nuh-uh, you can’t avoid the question that easily, what did you doooo?” I grinned.

“I…” she trailed off, mumbling.

“You what?” I arched an eyebrow.

“I slept with Alex,” she whispered, barely audible.

I stared at her, shocked. “…wow. You aren’t like, getting back together with him or anything, are you?”

Anna shrugged. “I… I honestly don’t know yet.”
“But, well… you can’t!” I stated simply.

“I can’t?” she repeated; it was her turn to arch her eyebrow. I shook my head fervently. “And why can’t I, James?” she used my whole first name.

Wordlessly, I took a step forward, and with my long arms, I pulled her tiny frame against mine, lunging forward to crash her lips against mine, my tongue sliding simultaneously into her mouth, which was slightly open with surprise. After a while, she responded, her arms wrapping as tightly around my neck as mine were around her waist. Her tongue rubbed against mine, and I pressed her up against the counter. As I lifted one of her legs up around my waist, she used the opportunity to lift herself onto the counter, both legs wrapping arou-

Or at least. That’s what should have happened. “You know what? If you’re gonna be that much of a whore, then the two of you deserve each other. You know what they say, ‘great whores fuck alike!” I spat the second-to-last syllable, and stormed out of the bus, furious- though more with myself than anything else.